


Smoke and mirrors

by hotlegmeme



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-23
Updated: 2016-06-23
Packaged: 2018-07-16 21:01:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7284643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hotlegmeme/pseuds/hotlegmeme
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>*(You suddenly realize you don't even know who's lying anymore.)</p><p>Contains mentions of sexual themes, but nothing explicit, so I have no idea how to rate this.<br/>Just a little exploration of Papyrus by the means of papyton.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Smoke and mirrors

"...So I had to sign two more contracts, and now that guy is demanding his money," Mettaton was rambling, leaning on Sans' hotdog stand. "Naturally, I told him to shove his blackmailing where the sun doesn’t shine."

Sans sympathetically nodded, squinting at the spots of bright sun that jumped around in the gaps between the tree branches. He'd say he regretted asking Mettaton "what's up" when the guy was passing by, but it's not like he had anything better to do on his job(s) anyway.

"Sounds like a pain."

"It really is. Nobody cares about the feelings of the rising stars."

Sans tried to move a little to the left, in the shadow of Mettaton's massive bodyguard, who was currently obliterating a hotdog. Mettaton cleared his throat after quite a long rant and added in a softer voice:

"Papyrus is a saint, though. I don't know what I'd do without him in the middle of this madness. I hope you don't mind I borrow him for sleepovers. He's just what I need after a stressful day."

"Nah, unless you two are BONING there behind my back," winked Sans.

Both cheerfully laughed out loud.

"Don't worry, we aren't," assured him Mettaton, whispering under his breath, "yet."

"I heard that," slightly aggravated, whispered Sans back. "He doesn't even know where babies come from, anyway."

"Whaaaat?"

If someone in the park wasn't already staring at a tall robot in pink boots and a pair of ridiculous star-shaped sunglasses, he surely got their attention now.

"Are you telling me he throws phrases like 'you're sexy' and 'I'd tap that' without even realizing the subtext?"

The bodyguard nervously coughed, watching an old woman shoo her grandchild away from them.

"He does? Heh," snickered Sans.

"Why are you hiding this information from him?" Mettaton seemingly got winded up for no reason. Sans shrugged.

"I'm not 'hiding' it. There's simply no need in it."

"Yes, there is! The guy is a grown-ass adult!" Mettaton smacked his forehead, searching for words. "Wow, I mean- Really? God, why are you're constantly slowing down his growth?"

"My bad. Hold on, I'll go draw him a handy chart about monster sex." Sans, kind of annoyed by this sudden outburst of accusations, pretended that he was leaving the stand.

"I'm not even talking about sex anymore, I mean in general! Undyne used to do that with the whole royal guard thing, Alphys never really told him details about her happy little accident with the amalgamates, you keep covering that damn flower's fake friendship with him! Every time someone falls down, you tell him they just went on a vacation! This is ridiculous!"

"The situation with Flowey is complicated," mumbled Sans.

"How?!" screamed Mettaton in a high-pitched voice, forcing a flock of birds to leave the ground in panic. "He's just a homicidal plant that used Papyrus to hurt us all!"

Sans, apparently, was going to say something, but changed his mind.

"The world isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, he must be prepared for it! You downgrade him, you don't even treat him like he's capable of dealing with the real problems!"

"That's not-"

"Papyrus is far from stupid. I know he'll figure everything on his own sooner or later, and then will stop trusting you all because you keep lying to him!"

"How would YOU know what he would do?" winced Sans.

"Well, maybe I know more about him that even you do! Because I LISTEN to him!" proudly declared Mettaton. Sans shook his head.

"Name the things he likes."

"Puzzles!"

"Mhm."

"Spaghetti!"

"Okay."

"My show! He likes my show!"

"Anything else?

Mettaton's face reflected an intense thought process, as he froze in silence for a good couple of seconds.

"That...that doesn't mean crap!" he cried, pointing at grinning Sans. "Nobody ever mentioned anything else, even Undyne!"

"Where does he come from?" continued the skeleton, ignoring him.

"He- Uh... well... I don't think he was born in Snowdin, was he?"

"What are his abilities?"

"...He conjures up a lot of bones and makes the soul blue?" Mettaton didn't sound so confident anymore. Sans mysteriously cackled.

"Sir, your next meeting is in-" with hesitation interfered Mettaton's bodyguard, but the robot promptly shoved him away.

"What's going on?! Why are you so cryptic all the sudden?!" he reached to Sans in an attempt to grab him by the collar. Sans managed to dodge his grip in time.

"Chillax, I'm not cryptic." he peacefully objected. "The point is, you love him, but you know jack about him."

Mettaton choked on his own resentment. He turned around on the heels and hissed in an overly dramatic tone:

"Don't think you won this round."

He still could hear Sans snort behind his back.

* * *

 Next day it was Mettaton's turn to drive the human for their classes. Unfortunately, in a whim of honest to god a complete accident it made him spill all the beans to Frisk, minus the part with birds and bees, of course.

The human critically considered everything and decided to voice their opinion when Mettaton's huge pink limo stopped in front of the school.

*(You tell Mettaton you want to be honest with him.)

*(You say you think Papyrus is aware of a good chunk of those things, but either plays along or is in willingful ignorance. Because he loves his brother back and doesn't want him to worry, either.)

*(So maybe Sans doesn't know him as well as he claims to.)

*(But those are just your thoughts. Possibly, all of you look way too deep into this. Because who knows the guy, really.)

Mettaton picked Frisk up and looked at them closely.

"You're a wise little human, you," he noted with an audible respect in his voice. Frisk shook their tiny legs in the air, being the cool wise man they were.

*(You say, duh.)

“Do you have any reasons to think so, though?”

*(You mumble something about endings and kings and killing sprees. Mettaton doesn’t seem to understand.)

“I’m sorry, what?”

*(You ask Mettaton to let you go because you're late for school.)

"Oh. Right. Have a nice day, darling," Mettaton put them back on the ground and watched Frisk run off to a group of kids that were completely blown away by the sight of the limo.

* * *

 "Papyrus, sweetheart," murmured Mettaton, playfully knocking the remote controller out of his hands and reaching for a kiss. "I told you so much about myself, but you never tell me about yourself. Why is that so?"

"Because you're so cool you deserve to be talked about all the time?" replied Papyrus in a blink of an eye. Flattered Mettaton giggled.

"Well, naturally, I'm-" he stopped abruptly, realizing what just happened. "Wait. I see what you did there! Don't change the subject! We're talking about YOU right now!"

"Um. Well, what about me?" Papyrus squirmed. "I'm the greatest!"

"You sure are," patiently confirmed Mettaton.

"And boy, do I love puzzles!"

"Yes, you do."

"And making spaghetti with Undyne!"

"No doubt about it."

"And I love my fabulous robot!" concluded Papyrus, leaning to him and expecting a smooch. No smooches ensued, though.

"Papyrus," said Mettaton, completely serious. "Is this all just a mask? Smoke and mirrors? Are you doing this to avert attention?"

He was trying to read Papyrus' expression, but suddenly was having hard time doing so. Papyrus looked a little lost, confused and nervous.

"What are you talking about?" he asked. Mettaton realized he was making him uncomfortable and sighed.

"Fine, you don't have to tell me anything if you don't want to."

"Can we just... go back to watching the show?" quietly proposed Papyrus. Mettaton entwined his arms around him and tucked his face in Papyrus' back.

"Do you know where babies come from?" he asked for some reason.

Papyrus meekly asked back, not looking at him:

"What answer would you like to hear?"

Mettaton was a little startled by that reply.

"Erotic moaning," he viciously smiled, sliding his hands under Papyrus’ shirt.

* * *

Sans woke up to the sound of Papyrus' steps. His brother just walked in the house and found Sans sleeping on the couch in the middle of chaotically thrown paper and pencils.

"Good mornin', bro," mumbled Sans, poking him with a tip of his toe. Papyrus gently poked him back with the pencils he was picking up from the floor.

"Good AFTERNOON, bro," he tried to sound angry, but was obviously smiling.

"Hey. Got a minute? I wanna tell you something."

Papyrus put the paper and pencils in the drawer and nodded. Sans sat up, sleepily stretching.

"Remember I told you that they find babies in cabbages?"

"..."

"Well, I lied."

Papyrus stopped smiling.

"Sans, I… I knew it."

"The truth is..." Sans heavily sighed, "they find them in cauliflower."

Papyrus slapped his knee.

"Now THAT explains everything! It felt like there was something wrong with the previous version!"

"Kiddin', kiddin'." Sans handed him over the sheet of paper he's been sleeping on. "Here, I made you a handy chart about monster sex. Use it wisely."

"Wowie, really?"

"How's Mettaton, by the way?"

"Great! We watched a human romcom, but most of the jokes were terrible. He really liked some actors though! There was that one guy..."


End file.
